When Life is Like a Sandwich You Didn’t Order

Don’t you hate it when you have to follow your own advice? When writers tell me that they’re stuck, I always point them toward the present moment and ask:

What’s happening right now that you can use?

What is the conversation you’re already having that can be transferred to the page?

So when I was stuck this week about what to blog about, I grudgingly asked myself the same questions. And I didn’t like the answers.

What’s happening is that I’m visiting my mother. It’s not a vacation—more of a business trip. We have a list of practical items having to do with her finances and healthcare that we need to address, things involving paperwork, notary public stamps, policy numbers, and forms full of questions that make me squirm, with words like ‘organ donation,’ ‘power of attorney,’ ‘incapacitation’ and ‘agent.’

There’s no imminent emergency or looming threat. This is simply a part of life that responsible people plan for. It’s a natural step on a journey toward death. I get that.

Still, there’s nothing fun about it and I feel heavy, overwhelmed, and sad.

Who wants to write about that? Who wants to read about that?

I’ve already been thinking about major life changes and loss because my oldest son is about to decide which college he’ll be attending. I don’t like the way someone cranked up the BPMs on life’s metronome; I can hear the clicks speeding toward the end of a song that started as a lullaby. It’s nearly time to let him go and that’s about all the upheaval and bittersweet mix of emotions I’m ready for.

And because I have two other children in my care for several more years, I’m now officially part of the sandwich generation.

There are plenty of online tips on how to survive being sandwiched without becoming completely squished—stay positive, get lots of exercise, ask for help, establish boundaries; these are all good reminders.

If you are in this group yourself, how are you coping? How are you reacting when life is like a sandwich you didn’t order?

Sending it back is not an option. And whether you’re hungry for this particular stage of life or not is irrelevant.

The advice I’m giving myself is to spice it up with a good dose of patience, smear on loving-kindness, and combine it with a huge side of self-care.

Ultimately, all any of us can do is to say thank you. Then chew every bite as slowly as we can.