7 Secrets To Being A Loved One

The title of my first book, Hello Loved Ones, comes from an “endearment “ used casually by the father of the narrator when he comes home drunk after long unexplained absences. He tosses these words at his children, who are starved for his attention, before leaving them again. The novel looks at the importance of love in action and questions whether love is determined by blood or by choice.

A Course in Miracles teaches that love is always a choice and that, in fact, nothing exists except the choice between love and fear.  

“All your past, except its beauty, is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing,” it says.

I’d like to mark the one-year anniversary of this newsletter by thanking you for making the choice to be a loved one and to be part of my blessing. This month I’ll post blog #52 and every week the writing process is a lesson in becoming present to whatever loving or fearful thing is occurring within me.

That you take the time to read it is very much appreciated.

In return, here are 7 secrets to help you choose love in all areas of your life:

  1. Empower others. I saw this quote on Facebook recently: “Angry people want you to see how powerful they are. Loving people want you to see how powerful you are.” –Chief Red Eagle.
  2. Listen as much as (or more than) you speak. Resist the urge to insert yourself. At our most basic level, we all want to be heard. Give someone the gift of listening and you’ll feel the love.
  3. Take nothing personally. This is one of Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements and it’s a powerful way to release suffering and be more present to love.
  4. Act like a VIP. Don’t downplay how the importance you have in someone else’s life, whether it’s a family member, a neighbor, or the barista who returns your smile every day. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually so you can be the love that someone in your life needs you to be.
  5. Save the drama for your mama. Actually, spare her too. Mom’s have enough to deal with.
  6. Recognize oneness. We’re all in this together, and like the saying goes, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Remember this the next time you feel your back go up or your claws come out.
  7. Be more loving. No kidding. It’s as straightforward as that. Smile, hug, praise, share. Repeat often.

And, the biggest secret to being a loved one?

Knowing you already are.